The tribute concert for Toby Keith is in the initial planning stages, but one thing is certain: Only artists Toby respected will take the stage.

Taylor Swift, who abandoned Toby after she made it big, and Garth Brooks, who abandoned country fans completely, both came around looking to get their names in the spotlight over Toby’s death. “We weren’t gonna let that happen,” said Ted Nugent’s Stage Manager Joe Barron, “Those two will do anything to be the center of attention.”

Toby’s wife, Karen Kardashian Keith, said she would never allow people Toby had such little respect for to sing either of his hit songs during a tribute in his name.

“Could you imagine that little twit singing Red Solo Cup?” Karen asked, “I’ll bet she doesn’t even know the words. Garth wanted to do I’ll Never Smoke Weed with Willy Again but since Jimmy Buffet is dead, he said he wanted to bring Gene Simmons along. Just what the hell?”

At this point, patriots, it’s almost as if there’s something really fishy about this whole story. In all my years of journalisticatin’, never has a named flowed as nicely as Karen’s. That has to mean something.

The Kardashian family has asked to be left out of the whole thing. “We sent a basket of mini-muffins,” Chloe said on her TikTok account. “I really hope what’s his name made it to heaven.”

Thank you for that beautiful sentiment, young lady. God bless You. And God Bless America.