In this week’s episode, I sit down with the legendary Cree Summer to talk about her journey through love, loss, and rediscovery in her 50s. Cree opens up about losing her drive during her marriage due to a lack of emotional shelter and the importance of finding a partner who provides safety and calm during life’s storms. We also dive into how her drive has improved post-menopause and what she’s looking forward to as she explores love again in her senior years. Whether you’re navigating relationships, rethinking intimacy, or seeking inspiration for your own journey, this conversation is a must-listen.
A Different World’ star Cree Summer opens up about losing her drive during her marriage
Cree Summer opened up to YouTube ologist Shan Boodram about losing her drive during her marriage and the importance of finding a partner who makes her feel safe.
Cree was married to producer Angelo Pullen from 2013 until 2022.
Cree, 55, is best known as bubbly college student Winifred “Freddie” Brooks on the NBC sitcom “A Different World” (1987–1993).
In her sit down chat with Shan, Cree shares how her drive improved post-menopause and what she’s looking forward to as she explores love again in her senior years.
Cree told Shan that she’s never approached a man – men always approached her. She was excited about approaching a man in the second half of her life.
“I don’t think I’ve ever approached a man. I’ve never asked a man out,” she said.
“I would love to have a husband and a real partner. Someone that we could get excited about the trials and the tribulations in life together,” said Cree. “That would be great.”
Cree compared the end of a marriage to the engine dying in an old car.
“Who the f— wants to separate and divorce? But sometimes that old car ain’t gon’ run anymore. And you can polish it. You can put a new f—— motor in it, but it just don’t run… it’s run its f—— course literally.”
Cree added: “With all I know, I’m too smart to have chosen what I’ve chosen. I think I could’ve given myself the credit for how intelligent I really am. I think sometimes I found myself in situations past the expiration date purely out of loneliness.
“I think loneliness is probably the greatest culprit to get me into things where I could’ve probably looked at it and go ‘I know that ain’t gon’ work.’ But he drives a really nice car…”
# Embracing Change: The Surprising Gifts of Menopause
Menopause is often viewed through a lens of discomfort and uncertainty, but for many women, it can also be a time of unexpected transformation and empowerment. As I reflect on my own journey through this phase of life, I find myself grappling with the paradox of feeling both liberated and challenged. The changes that menopause has brought about in my body and mind have led to a newfound sense of self, a deeper understanding of intimacy, and a desire for connection that I never anticipated.
One of the most striking changes I experienced during menopause was a shift in my body. Contrary to the common narrative that menopause leads to weight gain and physical discomfort, I found myself getting skinnier. This unexpected change in my physique was accompanied by a surge in my libido, which felt both bizarre and exhilarating. It was as if my body was shedding not just weight, but also the inhibitions and fears that had held me back in my earlier years.
This transformation prompted a realization: feeling safe, provided for, and protected by a partner is crucial for a fulfilling sexual experience. Reflecting on my past relationships, I recognized that when my partners expressed fear or insecurity about our future, it had a visceral impact on my desire. The anxiety of uncertainty often overshadowed the intimacy we shared, leading to a disconnect that took years to unravel.
## The Importance of Safety in Intimacy
As I navigated the complexities of relationships, I began to understand that my sexual satisfaction was intricately tied to my sense of safety. For many women, the emotional landscape of intimacy is just as important as the physical aspects. When I looked at my partner and felt a lack of security, it was difficult to engage fully in our sexual connection. This realization was liberating; it allowed me to acknowledge that I didn’t have to settle for mediocre experiences or pretend that everything was okay when it wasn’t.
In conversations with friends, I found that many women shared similar sentiments. The journey of understanding one’s needs in a relationship is often fraught with challenges, but it is also a path to empowerment. As we age, we become more attuned to our desires and less willing to compromise on what we truly want.
## The Revolution of Sexuality in Your 50s
Entering my 50s has been a revelation in many ways, particularly regarding my sexual experiences. There is a unique freedom that comes with age; the societal pressures and expectations that once loomed large begin to fade. I find myself more open to experimentation and exploration than ever before. The fear of judgment or inadequacy has diminished, allowing me to embrace my desires without hesitation.
This newfound confidence has transformed my approach to intimacy. I’ve discovered that I enjoy taking things slow, savoring the moments of connection with my partner. Eye contact, once a fleeting gesture, has become a powerful tool for intimacy. The ability to look deeply into someone’s eyes and feel seen is exhilarating. It’s a reminder that intimacy is not just about the physical act but also about the emotional connection that underpins it.
Moreover, I’ve found that I am more willing to express my desires and boundaries. The idea of being submissive in certain contexts, something I never thought I would embrace, has become a source of empowerment. It’s a reminder that intimacy can be a dance of give and take, where both partners feel valued and respected.
Despite the personal growth I’ve experienced, there is an undeniable challenge that comes with aging as a woman. In a society that often equates beauty with youth, it can be disheartening to feel less visible. I’ve noticed a shift in how I am perceived, particularly in social settings. The attention I once received has waned, and it can be a jarring experience.
However, I’ve come to realize that my sense of beauty and worth must come from within. The validation I once sought from the external world is now something I strive to generate for myself. This shift in perspective has been liberating; it allows me to embrace my body and my sexuality on my own terms, rather than relying on the gaze of others.
The relationship between feeling beautiful, free, and sexually open is complex. In my younger years, my self-worth was often tied to how others perceived me. Now, I understand that true beauty comes from self-acceptance and self-love. It’s about recognizing my own value and celebrating the unique qualities that make me who I am.
As I navigate this new chapter of my life, I find solace in the idea that I can cultivate my own sense of beauty and confidence. This self-generated empowerment not only enhances my sexual experiences but also enriches my relationships with others. I am learning to embrace my desires, communicate openly, and seek connections that honor my needs.
Menopause is often framed as a time of loss, but for me, it has been a journey of empowerment and self-discovery. The changes I’ve experienced in my body and mind have led to a deeper understanding of intimacy, safety, and self-worth. As I continue to navigate this phase of life, I am committed to embracing the freedom that comes with age and celebrating the beauty of my evolving sexuality.
In sharing my story, I hope to inspire other women to embrace their own journeys through menopause. It is a time of transformation, and with that transformation comes the opportunity to redefine what it means to be a woman in her 50s and beyond. Let us celebrate our bodies, our desires, and the incredible power that comes with self-acceptance.
